One day I'll go public with my visit to Mexico...let's say it involves being in hospital with heat exhaustion, paying with a drip still in your arm because they won't take it out until you've paid, a guide who asked us if we would pray with him over dinner and being stuck in our hotel for days as it was too hot to be anywhere outside. Then of course there was Belize...
I'm an English speaker living in a non-English speaking country and just about every time a random Anglophone stranger starts a conversation with me, they share a complaint about the weather and/or the number of public holidays, a very badly mispronounced place name in the local language, and/or a slur about the local Roma community.
I've learned not to speak English to my dog in public, it's like sending up the Melissa bat signal.
OMG, Carlos, that was so hilarious that I was actually disappointed to find out that Melissa *wasn't* a real person. I wrote an entire novel about people like this. In January I went on an archaeological tour of the Yucatán (amazing, you should go) for book research, and while I would love to give similar guest spots to some of the people I met, I don't dare because they are, well, real people. I'm still writing about the trip on my own Substack, though. Anyway, kudos!
Ack, I just re-read my reply--it sounds awfully self-promotional, which I didn't intend! Just wanted to compliment Carlos on his hilarious and spot-on depiction. :)
Snark every day, please! I live in the US but I’m not from here. Sometimes it feels like I’m surrounded by Melissas here. Then again, maybe that’s just me being a Melissa about the Unites States.
Got to the end feeling like I needed to scream IS SHE REAL. I was relieved by your disclaimer, and then became concerned again after reading the comments. Signed, a New Zealander.
Great post. I’ve met Melissa many times but always had the luck to get away from her immediately. Interestingly though, when we were in Colombia recently the Colombians were complaining about the water in Mexico. So there’s that.
I assure you Melissa [name redacted] is a 100% real person you just haven't had the misfortune to meet (yet?).
I'm all about the essays, but that's what I write. I come to your Substack for my satire fix, so we're good!
Thanks for the fun piece!
This was such a refreshing and brilliantly amusing take on travel encounters 😍🤣 You really nailed it!
One day I'll go public with my visit to Mexico...let's say it involves being in hospital with heat exhaustion, paying with a drip still in your arm because they won't take it out until you've paid, a guide who asked us if we would pray with him over dinner and being stuck in our hotel for days as it was too hot to be anywhere outside. Then of course there was Belize...
Oh, no! That is quite the horror story
It gets worse...
I'm an English speaker living in a non-English speaking country and just about every time a random Anglophone stranger starts a conversation with me, they share a complaint about the weather and/or the number of public holidays, a very badly mispronounced place name in the local language, and/or a slur about the local Roma community.
I've learned not to speak English to my dog in public, it's like sending up the Melissa bat signal.
Hahaha, the Melissa bat signal, that's great.
OMG, Carlos, that was so hilarious that I was actually disappointed to find out that Melissa *wasn't* a real person. I wrote an entire novel about people like this. In January I went on an archaeological tour of the Yucatán (amazing, you should go) for book research, and while I would love to give similar guest spots to some of the people I met, I don't dare because they are, well, real people. I'm still writing about the trip on my own Substack, though. Anyway, kudos!
Thanks, Cynthia! And that sounds like a fascinating story!
Oh wow, now I am curious ☺️
Ack, I just re-read my reply--it sounds awfully self-promotional, which I didn't intend! Just wanted to compliment Carlos on his hilarious and spot-on depiction. :)
Not at all! Thank you for sharing!
Hahaha, no worries, I took it as “being super hyped since you share a similar experience”!
The Arby's incident is "chef's kiss."
We have a Melissa as a neighbor, and we've been dealing with her for four straight years. She's one of the reasons I'm like this.
Haha, so great, Carlos, and you totally had me thinking Melissa was real. She IS real. You have made her and she is yours now.
I am all for everything you write, snarky satire and curiosity essays both, now give us some Mexico!
Thanks, Ros! Now that I've written Melissa into existence, I am tempted to write her into more things.
Yes, more snark satire! I loved The White Lotus on HBO. You write a show!
Good to know, thanks!
Snark every day, please! I live in the US but I’m not from here. Sometimes it feels like I’m surrounded by Melissas here. Then again, maybe that’s just me being a Melissa about the Unites States.
So just to confirm, when someone switches to a different language in public, they are most definitely saying rude things about me?
There’s a decent chance. Either about you or someone else 😆
Got to the end feeling like I needed to scream IS SHE REAL. I was relieved by your disclaimer, and then became concerned again after reading the comments. Signed, a New Zealander.
Snarky please!
Great post. I’ve met Melissa many times but always had the luck to get away from her immediately. Interestingly though, when we were in Colombia recently the Colombians were complaining about the water in Mexico. So there’s that.
🤭😂🤣
You can get tacos anywhere these days. Haha.
Love this story and the pic is adorbs.
I have a terrible story about a trip to Mexico. I may have to turn it into an essay with a link to this fab piece. Would ya mind?
Thanks! And please feel free -- I'm so curious to hear the story!
LOL good one. I love Oaxaca. Very special place.