Father’s Day Gifts For The Dad Constantly Traveling Between Trials In Multiple States
A handy gift guide
What do you get the dad who already has everything — including a gold toilet, a personal Boeing 757, and 91 felony charges? Here’s a handy Father’s Day gift guide for what to get dads who are crisscrossing the country between trials in multiple states.
Apple iMonitor — $600
This sleek ankle monitor informs the authorities of dad’s whereabouts AND tracks his daily steps. It’s a real two-fer!
Where to Buy: Apple Store
Louis Vuitton Orange Jumpsuit — $2,300
This velour Louis Vuitton jumpsuit made from 100% Egyptian cotton is the perfect loungewear for everything from long flights to long days in a Federal detention center.
Where to Buy: Louis Vuitton Website
Mugshot Mug — $10
A shot glass shaped like a mug with a mugshot on it? How fun is that!?
Where to Buy: Etsy
Coppertone Bronzer — $8
It can be tough for busy dads to maintain a natural tan, especially if they aren’t getting a lot of sunlight. This bronzer will help dad maintain a healthy orange glow, even in harsh, fluorescent courtroom lighting.
Where to Buy: CVS
Detailed Blueprints of the Rikers Island Prison Complex — $450,000
For the dad who may someday need to organize a prison break, these blueprints of the entire Rikers Island Prison Complex are pricey but worthwhile splurge.
Where to Buy: The Black Market
Hand-made Card — Free
You don't have to spend a ton of money to give dad a meaningful gift. Besides, who doesn’t love a hand-drawn card to hang up on the mini fridge of their private jumbo jet?
Where to Buy: N/A
One-way Plane Ticket to a Country Without an Extradition Treaty — $850
If dad’s court cases look like they’re about to take a turn for the worse, a one-way plane ticket out of the country is always a good Plan B.
Where to Buy: Expedia
Comments
Which one of these would you buy? The Louis Vuitton jumpsuit? I thought so.
Other gift suggestions I missed?
This newsletter is free, and entirely supported by reader contributions. You can help make my work possible by chipping in at any of the following levels:
You can also support my work by buying my book. It’s a collection of satirical stories set inside the universes of popular movies, and it’s funny as hell.
Your contributions make my writing life easier and are greatly appreciated. Thanks!
I'd go with the Louis Vuitton jumpsuit, too. The fact that it's velour sealed the deal for me.
Eye mask that makes you look like your eyes are open when you're really asleep. Good for both trial and prison. Etsy