How to Get Hired at NPR
Plus the inaugural Shades of Greaves summer pledge drive
Have you ever noticed that people on NPR always have the coolest names? Kai Ryssdal. Renée Montagne. Korva Coleman. Mandalit del Barco. Ira Glass. Not even Thomas Pynchon could devise such objectively dope-ass handles.
How does that happen? How does NPR end up exclusively staffed with all the cool-named people? I think there’s only one logical explanation, and it’s best conveyed in video format:
Right? I’m convinced it’s the only way.
The Shades of Greaves Summer Pledge Drive
Speaking of audience-supported media, I have a quick ask: If you enjoy my work, and have the means to support it financially, I’d really appreciate it. The check from Bravo has yet to clear and ballistic missile sales are low. Also, my birthday is on Saturday, so, legally speaking, I think you have to throw a few bucks my way. Pretty sure that’s how that works. Luckily, these perma-discount links make it easy to chip in at whatever level feels right.
A quick caveat: If you’re new to the newsletter, you might be thinking “What? I just signed up to Shades of Greaves, and the first email I get is asking me to become a paid subscriber?!” If that describes you, please skip this post and go back and read some of my other stuff first.
You’re back? Great! What did you think? Hilarious, poignant, and utterly delightful, you say? Awwww, shucks, that’s so kind of you.
Why a Pledge Drive?
Like NPR, this newsletter is sponsored by generous contributions from readers like you. I prefer not to paywall any of my posts because I want my work to be accessible to all.
But writing this newsletter takes a lot of time and energy, which is time I can’t spend doing my true (and more lucrative) life’s work — growing the dankest, Maui Wowie cannabis on the East Coast. So the more support I have for this newsletter, the more time I can devote to writing rather than cultivating the devil’s lettuce.
Pledge Goal
As of this writing, 30 of you are paid subscribers. Which is so cool! I feel incredibly lucky that anyone enjoys my writing enough to pay for it, let alone 30 of you.
Dare I ask, though, can we get to 40? 50? Or, if I may be so bold, 1,000? That’s a lot, I know, but you don’t get what you don’t ask for, right?
To sweeten the pot a tiny bit, I will give away signed copies of my book, Spoilers (along with free shipping to anywhere in the world) to paid subscribers (chosen at random) depending on how many paid subs we reach by 11:59 PM ET on Friday, July 12th:
35 paid subscribers — 2 signed copies
40 paid subscribers — 3 signed copies
50 paid subscribers — 5 signed copies
1,000 paid subscribers — 1,000 signed copies (we can do it — dream big, people!)
People already have enough mugs and tote bags, so I think getting a funny book is a pretty good deal. Besides, the only other thing I could mail you of any real value would be an eighth of ultra-high-THC sativa, which not all of you would want to partake of (for any Feds reading this, I want to be crystal clear — that is a joke. DOT NOT raid my house. All you will find is books.)
For real, though, thank you for supporting my work. Whether you pay to subscribe, or share my work with others, or simply read regularly, I’m glad you’re here, and I’m excited to keep writing here. Because, as much as I joke about Substack, this newsletter is the writing I enjoy doing the most.
Thanks for reading, and I promise I’ll be back soon with another dose of funny nonsense.
Here are the links again in case you don’t feel like scrolling up.
Much appreciated!
✍️*applies to NPR*✍️
Spot on, Carlitos - I’m always blown at the crazy ethnic combos of NPR names, I think Carlos Maxwell Greaves would fit like a glove!!! 🤗🤗🤗