Diary Entry #4: Gathering in Numbers
Looking beyond the data for a moment
This is part of a series I’m writing on the self-publishing process. To start from the beginning, read my first diary entry. If you’re not interested in combing through more data about self-publishing than you could possibly want, you can unsubscribe here (I promise I won’t be mad).
The crowd is growing restless.
“We demand Spoilers!” an irate woman shouts. “Yeah!” a chorus of frustrated fans replies in unison.
I don’t know what to say to placate the mob. Sure, my movie-themed essay collection is funny (trenchant, even) but so witty and incisive that thousands have gathered outside this independent bookstore to demand signed copies of it? Who could have predicted this?
“I’m sorry! I had no idea I was this popular!” I plead with the crowd. “But if you write your names and emails down, I promise I will make this right!”
“Fuck you! We were promised BOOKS, you dumb, satire-writing bitch!” someone shouts.
“Whoa! There’s no need for name calling. I will get you your books eventually. Jeez.”
My words are drowned out by the call-and-response chant that has formed.
“What do we want? Humorous social commentary told through the lens of classic Hollywood films. When do we want it? Now!”
This situation is quickly getting out of control. Is that person handing out throwing knives? That is such a specific weapon to bring to a violent mob, let alone to what was supposed to be a peaceful book signing. Well, I guess I should have brought more copies.
Okay, fine, so my book events haven’t been drawing massive crowds. But I’ve been happy with the turnouts so far. In addition to the launch party in New York last Monday, I hosted two book signings over the weekend in Boston. And tomorrow, I’m meeting with my book club, who read Spoilers this month, to discuss the book.
(Side note: word on the street is, Spoilers makes for a phenomenal book club book. And apparently, if you ask nicely [or even if you ask rudely] the author will appear at your book club via Zoom to share his thoughts. For example, he’ll explain that, if you think any of the essays feature an “unreliable narrator,” then you are probably giving the author way too much credit, because his main goal was to write a funny book and he sort of forgot about all of the other literary devices he’d learned about in school.)
Now, I know this series is about breaking down “The Numbers” in order to help shed light on the economic side of self-publishing. But I thought I’d take a brief break from that to talk about a less tangible aspect of hosting in-person book events.
Like a lot of people in creative fields, I’ve had a hard time finding steady income, which has been a major source of anxiety. And a small part of me is still hoping that Spoilers is a runaway success that sells 100,000 copies, so I can finally stop vomiting every time I look at my bank account. But that’s obviously not why I wrote Spoilers. If I was in this for the money, I would’ve stuck to engineering. And if I’d been pursuing engineering for the money, I would’ve gone to work for Meta and patented that algorithm that makes screenshots of funny things go viral, but only if they’re posted by a meme account without crediting or linking to the source material. THAT’S WHERE THE REAL MONEY IS, PEOPLE.
Writing, for me, has always been about a desire for community. When I write satire, it’s a way to connect with others who feels similarly about the state of the world. Teaching is a way to share my love of writing with those who have the same passion. And this newsletter is my way of finding community with folks who are trying to navigate the murky swamp that is the publishing landscape (swamp is an apt metaphor because swamps are vital ecosystems but they are also SCARY AF).
Book events have been a fantastic way to build community. They’ve been a way for me to gather with family, co-workers, and friends, who, in some cases, I hadn’t met in person despite knowing them for years. After writing a book more or less in a vacuum, it’s nice to see people’s reactions to the words I wrote and remind myself, Oh, people actually like the shit I write.
So, if you’re scheduling your own book tour, remember: don’t do the in-person events for the money, or the publicity. Do the events for YOUR SOUL.
And, when in doubt, ask the bookstore how many copies to bring. They’ll know.
To read the next entry, click here.
Hi Carlos! I had a hilarious ‘disparity’ book signing once. It was the opening of the new library and they called in a couple of local authors. I was one. The other, sat right next to me, was beloved author of The Snowman and other famous children’s books, Raymond Briggs. He had people queued in a big snaking line. I had two friends and then no-one! He was an absolute darling to me and we laughed about it while he was signing his hundreds of books. I made myself useful and got him a coffee.
Hi Carlos! My brother-in-law Krishna recommended this blog (very informative and entertaining!) since I’m considering self-publishing, and I just want to let you know my book club will be reading your book next month :-)