#6: How to Sell More Copies of Your Book
In which I learn an important lesson about marketing
This is part of a series I’m writing on the process of self-publishing my book, Spoilers. To start from the beginning, read my first diary entry.
I’m ditching the naming convention I used in previous entries in this series. This one’s pure click bait, baby. So if you’re one of the suckers who opened this link because of the title, you’re welcome. That’s your first lesson: help your audience find your work by making it clear what you’re offering them click bait works.
My book, Spoilers, has been out for ONE WHOLE MONTH, and I’ve done TWO in-person book signings, so I’m something of an expert when it comes to selling books.
That’s lesson two: demonstrate why your audience should listen to you brag whenever possible.
In all seriousness, I’m a newbie at selling myself as an author. In fact, this series is all about how I’m learning as I go. This entry is about one of the things I’ve learned.
At my first-ever in-person book signing, a stranger wandered into the bookstore and began casually browsing. Naturally, I went over and began talking to her, mentioned I was an author doing a book signing, and gave a brilliant sales pitch for my book avoided eye contact until the bookshop owner said to the woman, “By the way, we have an author here with us tonight.”
The woman turned to me and said, “Oh, what’s your book about?”
“It’s a collection of humor essays that take place inside classic Hollywood movies and use them as a way to make social commentary as well as poke fun at the movies themselves. For example, there’s an essay where Superman gets a letter from USCIS informing him that his visa application has been denied because he doesn’t have any paperwork from Krypton.”
The woman’s face dropped. She straight up scowled. She grimaced harder than Grimace would grimace if Grimace were drinking one of those Grimace shakes.
“Oh! No no no, you misunderstand, it’s a funny essay! I’m funny! The essay is a critique of the United States’ immigration policies. No! Not that they’re too lax, the problem is that they’re needlessly convoluted and way too strict! I’m not making fun of migrants, I’m highlighting their struggles in a funny and poignant way! I’m on the correct side of this issue! I’m funny, I promise! I’m funny!”
Too late. I’d fucked it.
I had been refining my sales pitch for months leading up to my first book signings. And, to me, the Superman essay has always been the clearest example of what I’m trying to do with the book — by putting iconic movie characters in these situations where they have to deal with bureaucratic bullshit, or grapple with realities of day-to-day life that you never see them dealing with in the movie, you’re able to empathize with them while laughing at the ridiculousness of the world we live in. Sometimes the essays are about serious issues, like immigration, and sometimes the essays are about sharing pants with your three best girlfriends and how it takes three weeks to ship the pants to and from Greece, which means the pants spend half the summer in transit.
But either way, if you know me, then you know I can write either of those essays in a way that’s pretty fucking funny (it feels weird to brag about myself but I’m trying to reinforce lesson two up above).
If you DON’T know me, though, then you don’t know that I can write either of those essays in a way that’s pretty fucking funny. And, as I’ve previously established, most people don’t know me.
So that’s what I learned by talking to a stranger about my book for the first time — that selling a book isn’t just about explaining what the book is about, it’s also about explaining who you are, and why that makes your book worth reading.
A few minutes after the scowling woman left, another customer wandered in. And this time, I boldly approached him and, armed with the knowledge of my previous mistake, gave a much better sales pitch also avoided eye contact until the bookshop owner (sighing mentally, no doubt) once again introduced me.
“Oh, what’s your book about?”
“It’s a collection of humor essays that take place inside classic Hollywood movies —”
“Carlos is a comedy writer. His work has been in McSweeney’s and The New Yorker,” the bookshop owner interjected, “For fuck’s sake, dumbass, open with that.”
She didn’t say that part out loud, but she definitely thought it.
“Yeah, so the book is inspired by work that I’d originally published in McSweeney’s.”
“Ohh, I’ve read a few things McSweeney’s. So, you said the book is about movies?…”
And just like that, entirely on my own with the help of a professional bookseller, I sold a copy of my book to a complete stranger.
Now, if you’re one of the people who clicked on this post based on the title, I hope I’ve left you with a satisfying enough answer. Or, if you’re not satisfied, I hope you’ve at least been entertained enough by my incomparable wit and wisdom random musings that you’re willing to stick around as I try to figure this shit out.
And if, after reading this, you’d like to learn even more about how to successfully sell a book, here’s a great exercise:
Buy a copy of Spoilers: Essays That Might Ruin Your Favorite Hollywood Movies
Read the book in its entirety and rate it favorably on Goodreads and Amazon (for your own personal edification, of course)
Identify which essay you think best gets at the heart of what the book is about
Come up with a short, snappy sales pitch for the book (using the essay you identified as an example) that you think would make the book sell super, super well and paste it in the comments (for your own personal edification, of course).
Alright, alright, that was a cheap tactic. But hey, I’m still learning here.
To read the next entry, click here.
I think you should invent a pro wrestling persona that is Sales Bro Carlos, like a totally narcissistic heel, and play the character while selling books. By embodying someone else, you'll tear down all your reasonable fears of being a self-serving asshole, because you were just in character.
I can neither confirm nor deny I live my entire life in this manner.
This is hilarious, and so is your book, Carlos!